Shaved Brussels with Italian Radicchio, Parmesan, and Pine Nuts

This week, I got excited about a salad.

I know. This sounds like something that should be whispered in hushed, shameful tones to one’s religious leader. Or maybe it’s a loudly proclaimed cry for help to most Americans, but I can assure you that my mental health is about as stable as it ever was. Hell, maybe better after tasting this.

Here’s the thing. I like salad, but like most of us I truly abhor the way salad is treated by most people: an afterthought, something that requires little effort, but makes you think you’re eating vegetables. Most salads we see in restaurants are an after thought. Iceberg lettuce chopped in rough squares mixed with dry, shaved carrots and the occasional piece of red cabbage thrown in for color. Throw some ranch dressing and an olive on that bad boy and you have the quintessential shitty American salad. Okay, fine, sometimes a pepperoncini on the side. But only if you’re in a quality deli.

Salads can be a beautiful thing when done right. You need some kind of greens (a variety of them is even better), a vegetable or two, some kind of crunch element (like seeds), and maybe a sweet element (that’s why tomatoes are such a thing). But these things can be anything that works well together. Look at what’s seasonal and go to town. The great thing about these sorts of salads is that if you prep enough of it and keep it in an airtight container, you can prep out some stuff that’s cheaper than the salad mixes you get at the store. Just make sure to keep things like seeds and nuts or cheese out of the mix until you serve it. For one, you don’t want them absorbing any moisture and two, if you can’t finish your salad mix, those more expensive items don’t go to waste too.

Here’s a short list of what you’ll need for this particular salad:

• Italian radicchio. Make sure it’s the Italian kind. It should look round and kind of fat. Not pointy like a football.
• Brussels sprouts. About half of one of those bags you get at the store should do.
• Cucumber. Get either pickling cucumbers or those English ones that get wrapped in plastic for whatever reason.
• Radish. Doesn’t matter what kind. Get those multicolored ones. Make this shit fun.
• Dried cranberries. If you can’t find these, don’t stress. Some kind of small, dried fruit is just nice here to add a touch of sweet complexity. If you choose to use raisins, go with the golden ones.
• Parmesan cheese. Or any other nutty, hard cheese you like. Fresh-grated on this with a microplane is a fun way to do it too, but just make sure it isn’t that powdered shit you put on your pizza.
• Pine nuts. Okay, I know these can be expensive and people are allergic and all that. If you can’t use pine nuts, any small or mid-sized seed will do. Raw pepinos or pumpkin seeds would be nice. I prefer unsalted, but you do you.

For this recipe, you’re going to need to either use the Basic Vinaigrette recipe and tweak it however you’d like, or you can use a specific dressing I make for this salad. If you’re new at this, or want a more detailed approach, please read ahead. If not, and abridged version is in the recipe card.

Please note that some of the measurements for the actual salad parts are not 100% accurate. Who the fuck measures salad? But measure the dressing part. That’s pretty crucial. This should serve two people with plenty left over the next day or four. Just make sure you only dress what you’re serving so you can save the rest. The cut-up salad should keep for a good few days in the fridge, maybe longer than the dressing will last.

Start by quartering the radicchio and removing the core. If you don’t know quite how to do this, lay a quarter piece down and tilt your knife so it’s about a third of the way to being flat on your cutting board. This should give you about the right angle to take out the core and still leave that slightly bitter foliage behind.

Next, you’ll need to shave the brussels sprouts. If you have a mandolin, then you’re good to go. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a very sharp and easy way to take off the tip of your finger. If you don’t have this medieval torture device in your kitchen, just halve the sprouts and do your best to cut them into thin strips with your kitchen knife. Discard the stems and you should be good to go.

Cut the radishes in half after trimming the leafy bit off the top. Then, cut them thin; use the mandolin again while you have it out. For the cucumber, I recommend quartering it, cutting out the seeds, and then cutting those pieces into chunks about the size of half of your thumb. The dried fruit and pine nuts don’t really need any prep. Just toss ’em in.

Pro Tips:

• If you have space, put your salad bowls in the freezer, taking them out just before you serve the salad. It’s a nice touch when the salad bowls come out cold to help keep that salad crisp.
• That being said, the salad part can be made a day or two ahead of time and kept in the fridge. Combine that with a cold bowl and your salad is delightful, man.
• Use your (CLEAN) hands to mix the salad, before and after you dress it. Using tools is just going to mash up your foliage. Gross.
• I’ve done this salad with pomegranate seeds before and was not disappointed.
• Don’t stress over what it looks like. It’s a salad. It’ll all get mashed together any way.