Painless Coleslaw

An exercise in amazing…

A Fairly Painless Coleslaw. I swear.

There are very few things in this world that I love more than coleslaw. While I’m pretty sure I’ve said that about multiple things at multiple times in my life, this time I really mean it. Seriously. I’ll fight somebody for coleslaw, if it’s good enough. Sometimes even if it’s just mediocre.

Think about it. There’s very little that screams American BBQ or cookout or I’m gonna stab you if you take the last piece of fried chicken like a tart, yet creamy coleslaw. Cooling in the summer and a way to force vegetables on your kids.

So yeah, I love me some coleslaw. The thing about it, is that when it’s done right, it’s one of those beautiful, simple things that doesn’t require much, but there isn’t a lot to hide behind. Think great pasta with tomatoes and basil. Simple, right? Yeah, when you make the simple things, there really isn’t a lot to hide behind. If you use shit ingredients, you’re left with a tepid love affair that leaves you both unsatisfied. That’s usually why these sorts of things hold a special place in my heart: there’s so little room for bullshit.

Before I go any further, I feel like I need to stop here to acknowledge that the recipe for coleslaw I’m about to provide you is nothing more than a slight variation on the recipe from Jacques Pepin’s Quick & Simple cookbook. In all seriousness, go get this book. Right now. My copy looks like one of my old linguistics textbooks from college, complete with hastily scribbled notes and a forest of page markers. See the following pro tips to expand your coleslaw knowledge, or just jump to the recipe below.

Here are some tips that will make your coleslaw experience something that will dazzle your neighbors at your next cookout, or will make you feel better about yourself as you stand in front of the fridge, shoveling forkfuls in your mouth in the middle of the night when you think no one is watching.

• Basically, the only thing I dramatically changed from Jacques Pepin’s recipe was that I substituted Mexican crema for the standard American sour cream. I like my coleslaw with a little looseness in the liquid and found that using Mexican crema (the one pictured above) was the best way to go about that. I tried it with the standard sour cream and honestly, it’s just better with the Mexican crema. If your grocery store sucks and doesn’t have Mexican crema, crème fraiche is a worthy substitute.
• Another thing that I changed was that I use a pre-shredded coleslaw mix from the grocery store. His original recipe called for savoy cabbage and shredded carrots. Totally wonderful too, but I’m lazy and like having some purple cabbage in the mix too.
• As with most things on this website, the measurements are approximate. I follow Pepin’s recipe as much as possible but add things or subtract as needed. For example, if your mayonnaise has some sugar in it, it might be a good idea to cut back on what you put in. Sweet coleslaw sucks.
• To add to that point, let’s talk about salt. I like adding the salt with everything because it pulls some moisture out of the cabbage. You can salt your cabbage for about an hour and then rinse it if you don’t like this, nerd. But in all seriousness, you can easily oversalt this little wonder really easily so just be careful.
• Start with what’s here in the recipe and don’t be afraid to adjust as needed and add more of things. Remember, you can add, but taking away is a fool’s errand.
• Be aware that the flavor of all of this will change over time. You need to at least let this set for a couple of hours before serving it at the minimum so you’ll have time to tinker.
• You can do a lot of variations with this too. Add some curry. Add some mustard so it’ll fight with the potato salad. You can do a lot with simple dishes like this and it’s cheap enough that you can play around and not feel bad if it’s utter crap.
• Feel free to chop up the cabbage in the bag (or the head of it) really fine if you want more of that KFC vibe to your coleslaw. I don’t think anyone would be mad at you for that.